Promoting positive behaviors in children - and parents
From staff reports
Parents simply do not wake up with the intention of hurting their children. For many parents it can be hard to imagine, even in their most frustrating moments, how anyone can abuse or neglect a child.
Yet, in South Carolina, nearly 17,000 children across were the victims of abuse and neglect in 2008, the last year reported by Kids Count. Most of those children suffered from neglect, while 19 percent were physically abused. Child abuse and neglect is the end of a long chain of events that may begin with everyday parenting situations. One way to combat this problem may be to help strengthen and support all parents.
Research by the University of South Carolina using the Triple P - Positive Parenting Program in select counties across the state found that the program was effective in preventing child maltreatment and reducing associated measures of injury and foster placement.
“The Triple P - Positive Parenting Program has been proven, through research, to help families raise happy, healthy, competent children,” said Terri Williams, Triple P Training Coordinator for Darlington County. “These are children who communicate well with others, are considerate and respectful, and who work to solve problems that they encounter.”
How do these children develop habits like these? In recognition of April as Child Abuse Prevention Month, here are some tips from Dr. Matthew Sanders, creator of Triple P:
• Encourage politeness by speaking politely to your children, and not responding when they ask for things in a whiney or demanding way. Praise them when they speak nicely.
• Let children know what behaviors are expected of them in different situations. If a child needs to correct their behavior, give a firm, calm instruction. Don’t give instructions from another room. Get close to your child, say their name, and tell them directly what it is that you would like them to do. Then, give them time to cooperate, and praise their cooperation.
• Model kindness to others, and be sure to say something if you notice them being kind to others. For example say something like, “Anne, you did a great job holding the door open for me when I came in the house with the groceries!”
• Tell your child when they have done a good job managing their emotions. This is especially true in situations with siblings. For example, you might say something like “Mary Elizabeth, you did a great job ignoring your sister when she teased you. Nice job staying in control.”
• Help your child make friends. Take time to help your child get together with friends; with young children it may help to invite the parents along as well. Talk about what behaviors you expect from your child when they are visiting with friends. Encourage behaviors that you want to see, like speaking nicely to one another, sharing, or taking turns.
• Show an interest in what your child talks about. Take a few moments to stop and listen when they approach you with a question or to tell you something. This can encourage children to express themselves, and helps them know that what they have to say is important to you.
“We as parents have the ability to decide what skills and values we would like to instill in our children, and how we teach those behaviors to our children,” Williams said.
The Triple P – Positive Parenting Program helps build positive behaviors in children, confidence in parents’ abilities, and community support for raising children. Triple P is available in Darlington County. For more parenting tips, games for kids, information about Triple P and a list of local providers, visit their Web site at http://www.tpinfo.sc.edu.